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Monday, August 1, 2011

E V O L ? L O V E

As the title suggests its true that the word 'LOVE' is confusing and is a sweet poison (at least after experiencing it). initially it is such a good feeling, a feeling which just cant be expressed with words ..where you start liking all the romantic songs, films, quotes and end up in a conclusion - 'Life is beautiful'.
i think you just go mad when your in that ecstasy where you don't know what's happening around you and all you care about is that one person.


Some say its a blessing to experience one's love, if it is then i had that blessing too the one with a very short life span yet made a heavy impact on my life so far, which made me not like a girl very easily . when i put a step forward the other feet doesn't do the same due to the fear of getting hurt again .


I loved her truly probably love is a big word i liked her more than anybody else, thinking about her was more than the thinking about myself, it started of as being a friend but i felt some attraction a different feel when i saw her a feeling that you want to be with her, it not always about the way someone looks its just when you feel she is different which makes her stand out from the others. i. maybe i am weird i asked her on every call 'do you love me? ' its not about whether she really does, and its not about trust either but listening to her say 'yes i love you ' gave me that immense satisfaction which made me felt lighter and worry free.


Not dwelling into too much detail but things didn't work out nothing to do with me or her at that point we have gone through our rough phase, argued, fought, consoled and back together again but i guess it was something more than that , i felt it was silly but it was fate too. i could not imagine that a phone bill could ruin a relationship? i guess it was at that time.. a month later when there was no communication between us i called her back through her friend i hear 'i don't have any feelings for you any more' that did break me apart , i felt i was lost as i never in my wildest dreams would expect to hear that when things were all fine ' between us'.  i gave it time i thought this was not it but i guess there are two things which you don't want to hear after all this has happened 1) she is with somebody else 2) she was faking it .


I don't want to answer what is the right answer as any of them can hurt equally. probably those were the best 6 months in my life i smiled from my heart, i learned to care , i learned how to treat a girl, i learned to make someone get out of their grief by just talking to them. all this would not have been possible if she wasn't there in my life, don't regret it ..it was an experience which i wish stayed on through my life.


Its been four years i still try to call her only to listen to her voice mail message, as they say you don't get everything in your life .       

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Life, Moment, Expectations

Beautiful poetry by Javed akthar saab , very addictive , fell in love with it after watching the movie ...  

Ik baat honton tak hai jo aayi nahin
Bas ankhon say hai jhaankti
Tumse kabhi, mujhse kabhi
Kuch lafz hain woh maangti
Jinko pehanke honton tak aa jaaye woh
…Aawaaz ki baahon mein baahein daalke ithlaye woh
Lekin jo yeh ik baat hai
Ahsas hi ahsas hai
Khushboo si hai jaise hawa mein tairti
Khushboo jo be-aawaaz hai
Jiska pata tumko bhi hai
Jiski khabar mujhko bhi hai
Duniya se bhi chupta nahin
Yeh jaane kaisa raaz hai
There is a matter that has almost come to my lips
This is evident in my eyes
Sometimes from you, sometimes from me
They ask for words
To take their shape and come to my lips
And to be embraced by my voice
But this matter
Is a feeling…only a feeling
Floating in air like fragrance
Fragrance becomes its voice
That you know of
That i know of
It’s not hidden from the world
Don’t know what kind of secret is this


Jab jab dard ka baadal chaya

Jab ghum ka saya lehraya
Jab aansoo palkon tak aya
Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya
Humne dil ko yeh samjhaya
…Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai
Duniya mein yunhi hota hai
Yeh jo gehre sannate hain
Waqt ne sabko hi baante hain
Thoda ghum hai sabka qissa
Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa
Aankh teri bekaar hi nam hai
Har pal ek naya mausam hai
Kyun tu aise pal khota hai
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai
Every time the cloud of pain loomed
A tear filled my eyes
When this lonely heart was scared
I told my heart ‘Why do you cry for such reason? This happens everywhere in this world’
These dark lonely times, time has distributed them to all.
Some sadness is part of everyone’s story,
Some sunshine is a part of everyone’s life
Your eyes are damp for no reason
Every second is a new season
Why do you waste your time over such matters
Why do you cry I asked my heart



Pighlay neelam sa behta hua yeh samaan
Neeli neeli si khamoshiyaan
Na kahin hai zameen
Na kahin aasmaan
Sarsaraati huyi tehniyaan, pattiyaan
Keh rahi hain ki bas ek tum ho yahaan
Sirf main hoon meri saansein hain aur meri dhadkanein
Aisi gehraiyaan
Aisi tanhaiyaan
Aur main sirf main
Apne honay pe mujhko yaqeen aa gaya
The moment flows by like molten sapphire
Deep Blue silences
No Earth below
No Sky above
The rustling branches and leaves
Saying that only you are here
Only me
My breath
My heartbeat
Such Depth like this
Such Loneliness like this
And me only me
I now believe I exist



Dilon mein tum apni
Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Nazar mein khwabon ki
Bijliyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Hawa ke jhokon ke jaise
Aazad rehno sikho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise
Lehron mein behna sikho
Har ek lamhe se tum milo
Khole apni bhaayein
Har ek pal ek naya samha
Dekhen yeh nigahaein
Jo apni aankhon mein
Hairaniyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Dilon mein tum apni
Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
If you carry impatience in your heart then you are alive
If you carry dreams in your eyes then you are alive
Learn to live like the free waves of wind
Learn to flow like the sea does as waves
Receive every moment in life with open arms
Every moment is a new beginning seeing with your eyes
If you carry surprise in your eyes then you are alive
If you carry impatience in your heart then you are alive

Friday, March 11, 2011

Values..Bonds..Family

Lately so many thoughts have been flowing through my mind about  family , you don't realise the value until you are away from them and you don't know how strong is your bond until you are distant 

i had an interesting conversation about what was going through with a colleague of mine Rob whom i travel with , an amazing person with good sense of humour unlike the other British bloke's. (a bit harsh huh?)

i remember rob mention that his son is at university being born in an amazing country like India and having such a wonderful parents who spoon-feed you right from your childhood and support you all through your life irrespective of how old he/she is .

you tend to get surprised when you hear some one saying that '' i don't talk to my son everyday ''
when my parents wish i talk to them everyday (i talk to them once in two/three days ) it did come as a surprise to me,  it's very intriguing to know how they tend to be that way , i think that's when the cultures come into play .

I had a wrong impression about British families, i thought they don't care about their children , i thought the same about Rob when he mentioned he didn't pay a penny for his education, he started to tell me more about the money matters that the loan they get for him covers only education and he pays for his son's food and he also bought him a car before he joined the university .

A lines which he said in a context about his bonding with his sons completely struck me with a '' he meant it '' feeling , '' i would kill anyone for my sons '' i didn't expect that , i know its wrong to think in such a way that only Asian parents value their children and others don't .
he  said ''Money cant buy happiness but it does go a long way to get it '' i didn't have anything to say other than accepting the fact.

Maybe my views are still narrow minded , it was interesting to see how my conversation travelled cultures , by the end of that journey he certainly changed my view .. there are good people and bad people its just the way they it is portrayed


i think i still see it from the bad side of it .


(apologies for my grammtical errors)

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Arrive...

I have indeed ! Much later than I expected.. even Manish..Martin and Mohammed have started blogging . 
Better late than never  !!! 


Loads of Memories, loads of thoughts and so much to express.


I believe in establishing a voice in my words , the one thing in which i didn't succeed till now ..
Hopefully the statement changes ..
Hope there is a brighter side ..


Hope my untitled thoughts get an identity !